Evening Agony
by Griffincat
Summary: My first ever fanfic. Set somewhere before Ootp, but it doesn't actually matter as nothing is referenced. Harry is heartbroken and sneaks outside at night, only to encounter a certain professor. Let me know if this is rated properly. I'm really not sure where the rating boundaries are. HP/SS
1. Chapter 1

Harry stumbled outside, tears streaming down his face. He'd forgotten his invisibility cloak back in his room in his haste. It was dark - well after curfew - and he knew he'd be in for detention if anyone caught him. But he couldn't bring himself to care. Harry had just been dumped rather brutally by Jake. Jake had been his first lover, and the first boy Harry had ever gone out with. Jake was the reason Harry had come out to his friends.

They had spent a blissful 3 months togeher. Full of youthful passion, heavy make out sessions and (on Harry's part) utter devotion and adoration. But tonight it had come crashing down around him. Jake had asked to meet up after supper was over, and Harry had happily joined him in the Slytherin common room. But Jake had been distant. "So Harry," Jake said calmy. "It hasn't been working lately. I'm sure you feel the same way. To be honest, I...haven't been fair to you. I've been seeing someone else for about 2 weeks now. I really like him Harry. So it's over between us. I'm sorry." Without saying anything, Harry had turned and run. He had stopped in his room for awhile. He hadn't wanted anyone to try to talk to him. Not when he was feeling like this. How could anyone stand getting their heart broken like this? How did anyone ever move on from this?

Now, Harry was sitting curled up in a ball against Hagrid's hut, gasping for air in between his sobs. He knew Hagrid was a deep sleeper and would never hear him from inside. Harry carried on crying for 10 more minutes when he heard a sound. A twig crunched in the darkness in the direction of the castle. Harry sat up quickly.

"Potter," came a familiar voice from the darkness.

"Snape...Ugh. I mean Professor. .." murmured Harry.

"What are you doing here Potter? Not only is it after curfew, but you are outside in the grounds. And close to the Forbidden Forest at that," growled Snape. Harry shrank down closer to the wall of the hut behind him. His tears hadn't stopped the whole time they had been talking.

"I'm (breath) sorry sir. (Breath) Iwasjustclearingmyhead. (Sob) I'll go back now. I'm sorry sir," Harry mumbled quickly. As he went to stand, Snape grabbed him by the shoulder and cast light on his face with his wand. Harry had shining trails down his face, his eyes were bloodshot and his face puffy and red. Snape's eyes softened.

"What Potter?" he demanded, wondering what could have upset the boy so terribly. Harry considered the likelihood of escaping back to the castle without having to explain himself, and decided that he may as well get it over with. Harry explained his predicament amidst his crying. When he stopped talking, Snape couldn't help himself. He pulled the boy towards him into a tight hug.

"You mustn't let the stupidity of others affect you so much Potter."

"But he was my first Professor!" wailed Harry before clapping a hand over his mouth. Snape's eyes widened slightly. Harry saw the compassion in the eyes of the man who had made his life so miserable, and something clicked. Before Snape could say another word, Harry's lips were on his. Harry was terrified the second his lips connected with Snape's. He would be expelled for sure. Or hexed. Or...or..or nothing. Snape deepened the kiss! Slowly, Harry felt himself being backed into the wall. Snape moved his lips down to Harry's neck, sucking hungrily. Harry moaned loudly. Noone other than Jake had ever done anything like this with him before. Harry grabbed Snape around the waist and pulled their lower bodies into contact. Each could feel the arousal of the other against their thighs. When Snape moved his mouth back to up, Harry tensed. All of the pain that had temporarily vanished came flooding back. He pushed gently at Snape, making their lips disconnect. Snape stopped and looked at Harry, panting lightly.

"I can't!" moaned Harry, tears streaming once again. "I'm so sorry Professor. It just _hurts_. I want to. But...I...Please..."

"Potter. Shh," crooned Snape, pulling Harry into another hug. "Believe it or not, I too have felt the sting of rejection. I understand. To say that...this" he gestured between them awkwardly "was unexpected is an understatement. It really should not have happened. But it did," he continued, seeing the pained reaction from Harry at his words. "and i do not regret it. Nor am I a hormonal teenager like yourself. I can wait. Should you decide that you wish to engage in a highly frowned upon relationship with your professor, I would be pleased. If not, it will not be held against you. And if you simply need a shoulder...I am around. Despite out past...I...apologize for that. Tonight has changed my perception of you. So if you need me..." Snape trailed off, shrugging slightly. Harry had his face buried in his potions professor's chest, and clung tighter on hearing his words.

"Thank you," he whispered into the robes. With a gentle caress of Harry's head, Snape released the boy and led him back to the castle.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **_So at the request of bellaandeddie1, I have decided to see where this story goes as a multi-chapter fic instead of a one-shot. Thank you to those of you who reviewed and helped me categorize and rate this properly. _

Severus Snape sighed softly. He was in his office doing some marking after a late supper in the Great Hall. He had been so busy planning lessons earlier that he had missed the communal supper normally attended by everyone. Well. Truth be told, he had purposely avoided the communal supper. Why? Potter would be there.

It had been 3 days since the 'encounter' out by Hagrid's hut, and Severus Snape was upset. He was upset for a few reasons, all surrounding the common topic of young Harry Potter. Severus Snape was upset because he had apparently been rejected. It had been 3 days since the 'encounter' by Hagrid's hut. And there had been no word from the boy. There he had gone, comforting the boy, letting himself be used by a lusting, heartbroken teenage boy. And at the end of it all? He had revealed his feelings. Thrown them at the boy's feet to do with as he pleased.

"Pathetic," snapped Severus to the air of his office. Severus Snape was upset because he had these feelings to begin with. The professor was a man who prided himself on his distance. The cold, calculating, unfeeling mask with which he viewed the world, and through which the world looked back at him. He had never felt the need, or even the urge, to be with another human being intimately. He had never even desired friendship on the whole. Yes sometimes he got a bit lonely, but those moments were few and fleeting. He had known he was gay for as long as he could remember, but that had been more the result of introspection than attraction to another person. Yet here he was, sitting at his desk, upset over the rejection of a teenager. Moreover, a teenager whom he had rather hated up until a few weeks prior.

Severus Snape was upset because he realised that he had lied to the Potter boy. Despite not being a teenage boy he _couldn't_ wait. He _would _hold this rejection against Harry. And he would _not_ have been pleased had an illicit relationship begun between them; he would have been overjoyed. Ecstatic. Over the moon. There really was no word for what he was feeling. Or rather, what he would have felt.

Finally, Severus Snape was upset because his students were stupid. This was a normal upset and allowed him to focus his thoughts on something other than the stupid boy whom he was mooning over like a love-struck puppy.

"Idiot. Idiot. Idiot," he said as he marked each large red F on 3 subsequent papers. Could noone in this blasted school write a decent paper? Honestly. He was finally back into the marking rhythm, having pushed thoughts of Harry to the back of his mind, when a timid knock sounded on his door.

"Enter," he barked coldly. The door swung open to reveal a terrified but rather pleased looking Harry Potter. Snape swallowed heavily, a lump forming in his throat. "Yes Potter? What is it? I haven't got all night to entertain your silence in my office."

"Uhm. Ahem. Right. Ughh...I just wanted to say thank you for the other night, Professor. Jake saw you walk me back to the castle and he thought I'd gotten in a ton of trouble because I was upset at him. Between you and me, sir, I think he may have even been jealous of anyone other than him taking up my time! Anyway, he apologised and asked for another chance! And it's all thanks to you sir. So...thank you. Really. And I'm sorry for kissing you. I, uh, don't know where that came from. But thanks for pretending you were alright with it. You could have expelled me for that, but instead you made me feel wanted. I know it was an act, but..." Harry trailed off awkwardly. Snape felt like he had swallowed a shard of glass. Pain shot through him at Harry's words. He was back in a relationship. He didn't want Snape and never had. He was sorry for the kiss. The kiss that had trapped Severus in a spiral of feeling previously held in check. But Snape had never been one to show his weakness or his hurt.

"You are most welcome Mr. Potter. Do send my warmest regards to . I am certain that he will continue to be a most beneficial influence on your potions skills. Now if you are finished your drivelling, I have things to attend to," Snape finished in his usual icy tone. Harry looked at the Potions Professor with what seemed to Snape to be confusion, before turning around and exiting the office. Why should Potter be confused? He had himself stated that he knew the 'falsity' of Snape's words and actions. With an angry roll of his eyes and an ache of longing in his chest, Severus Snape continued to mark wretched papers in the silent half-darkness of his dungeon office.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** _Hey everyone! Thanks for reading! I recieved a guest comment that I would like to address. The guest expressed a dislike for my portrayal of Harry. They mentioned that he was pathetic for going back to someone who had cheated on him. I would like to say that in my mind, Harry responded out of lack of experience and a lot of trust. My Harry had never had a previous relationship to accustom him to a breakup. He was happy with Jake and wants to experience that again. He was perhaps too trusting to think that Jake might not be completely sincere in his apology. The guest also mentioned their unhappiness with Harry's response to Snape's feelings. I didn't mean for it to be intentionally cruel on Harry's part. It was more confusion and disbelief that this professor could express anything other than hatred towards him. Hopefully this chapter addresses that issue a bit more. At any rate, I hope this clears some things up. I appreciate all comments and criticisms :)_

_-Griff_

_/ / / / \\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\ _

Harry sat in the Gryffindor common room by himself, staring at the fire that was roaring in the corner. He had just finished his most recent date with Jake, and didn't understand what was wrong with him. The date had been perfect. The conversation flawlessly wonderful, as it always had been between them. But Harry couldn't shake a niggling feeling in the back of his head that something was wrong. He just hadn't felt the connection to Jake that had always existed before their breakup.

As Harry was pondering unhappily the common room door opened to reveal Ron and Hermione.

"Harry? What's wrong?" asked Hermione upon seeing his expression.

"Yeah mate. You look someone just stole your favourite pair of socks," piped in Ron. Harry looked tiredly at his best friends.

"You guys have never been in a relationship. I don't think you can help me," stated Harry. When his friends looked at him with twin 'try us anyway' expressions, harry sighed and continued. "So you know how amazing everything was with Jake? And how he cheated on me and broke up with me?" Ron and Hermione nodded. "Well, since we've been back together things just haven't felt...right. You know?" Here Ron and Hermione shook their heads in denial. Harry sighed. "I knew you guys wouldn't get it. But thanks for listening anyway. I just wish I knew what was going on!"

"Harry," began Hermione tentatively, "I know that I don't have the most practical experience, but you don't think that the problem may be that Jake cheated on you, do you? I mean, that's a rather large breach of trust. Maybe the problem is that things just can't simply fall back to the way they were before..." she finished cautiously. Harry glared at her.

"That can't be right, Hermione! I swore that I wouldn't hold what he did against him! I promised," Harry sighed, putting his head in his hands. Ron and Hermione exchanged glances.

"Uhh...Harry? I don't think that Jake should get to make you make promises. I mean, he was the one to cheat on _you,_ mate," said Ron. Harry didn't respond. After a few more minutes of silence, Ron and Hermione said goodbye to Harry and left the room.

\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\ the next day / / /

Harry had come to a decision. He would talk to Jake about what he was feeling. After all, communication was an important part of relationships, right? But he would have to wait until after Potions class, as both he and Jake had the class right after breakfast.

Harry, Ron and Hermione made their way down to the dungeons with plenty of time to spare. They had learned from the past not to be late for a class with Snape. As usual, Hermione wanted to sit at the front and Ron wanted to sit in the back, so the trio ended up in the middle of the room. The usual pre-class buzz filled the air as friends gossiped amongst each other and shared answers to the Transfiguration assignment due later that day. Just as class was supposed to start, Severus Snape came sweeping into the room in his characteristic black robes.

"Silence," Snape commanded. An instant hush fell in the room. "Today we will be creating a Confusion potion. As its name very plainly suggests, a confusion potion temporarily disorients the drinker. The preparation will test your skill at the new slicing technique that was demonstrated last class. Should you fail to slice one of the ingredients correctly, you will create a dangerous side effect when you add it to your potion. Anyone who does this," at this, Snape's eyes drilled into a few of the more incompetent potions students, including Harry and Ron, "will be immediately subject to a week of detention and a loss of 50 house points for the reckless endangerment of others. Are. We. Clear?" A chorus of agreement and vigorous nodding erupted around the room. "Very well. You may begin."

Ron and Harry paired up to brew the Confusion potion while Hermione elected to work by herself. She had figured out years before that she got much better marks when she let Harry and Ron enthusiastically brew their own potions, well away from her own cauldron. As they began preparing their ingredients, Harry's mind wandered somewhere it had not been in awhile – to Snape. In the hurricane of emotions of Jake's apology and his subsequent unease with their relationship, Harry had forgotten about the potion master's declaration. He had assumed when he told the man of his renewed relationship that he would be grateful that Harry hadn't read too much into the kiss. Yet he had been so tender that night out by Hagrid's hut, and back to typical Snape after Harry's apology. Harry didn't understand. Had he upset the man in some way? E had thought after the compassion that Snape had shown him, they might be on better terms in class, but apparently that understanding had not transferred over. If he didn't know any better, Harry might have guessed that Snape's admission had been truthful. But how could someone who had hated him from the moment he set eyes on him all of a sudden declare his affection? And besides, why would a grown man and successful potions master want a boy like him? Particularly when it was against the rules with Harry being a student. It was preposterous.

"It must have been because of my mother," Harry mumbled to himself as he tipped some mandrake root into the cauldron.

"What was that Harry?" asked Ron, turning to add some unicorn hair.

"Wha? Oh! Nothing. Just thinking about what to do next for the potion."

Meanwhile, on the Slytherin side of the classroom, Jake was laughing with his friends. Snape frowned at the volume. He was loathe to punish Slytherins, especially in front of Gryffindors, but if they kept that racket up he would have to. Potions class was not for jokers. Snape watched out of the corner of his eye, and as Harry turned his back to Jake and his friends to slice an ingredient, Jake mimed swooning and crying. The laughter started all over again. A few more times Harry turned his back and Jake mimed different actions or whispered things to his groupies. Finally Snape had had enough.

"Jacob Turvell!" he snapped sharply. The group surrounding Jake slunk slightly away from him. "This is Potions class. It is not a comedy club, a zoo, a circus or any other area in which the disruption you are creating is acceptable. Nor is it an excuse to share your private matters with the class." Jake paled slightly and his friends now snickered at him rather than with him. "And the rest of you! Mister Tadd, Mister Jackson, Mister Pourity, Mister Andrews. You 4 will join Mister Turvell in detention. 10 points from Slytherin for your insolence," thundered Snape. The rest of Potions class finished silently, the rest of the class terrified to upset Snape further and also receive detention. For once, Harry and Ron managed to make what faintly resembled the correct potion, and didn't blow anything up.

"Mister Potter and Mister Weasley," Snape called as the class was packing up. "You succeeded in brewing a potion that, while not achieving the desired effects, would not kill or poison the consumer. Congratulations," he smirked. Harry and Ron mumbled a quick thank you and quickly caught up with the rest of the class.

"I'm going to meet up with 'Mione and go for a walk down to the lake. Wanna come?" asked Ron.

"No. I told Jake I wanted to talk with him after Potions. I'm going to go find him now...I wonder what he was doing that got him in trouble. Snape is usually pretty lax about Slytherin behaviour," Harry replied.

"Well did you hear them? They were making Neville flinch from the other end of the room they were laughing so loud. Snape probably got fed up with it. Git only took 10 points from them," shrugged Ron. When they reached the main floor they split up; Ron to find Hermione and Harry to find Jake.


End file.
